O' KUNDERA

How could I never touch you? Feel you? See you? Before… How could I miss you? I cannot believe I have never known you. You said it. At last. And you said it so easily. With such grace. Without élan. How could you Kundera? Is it so light? Really? Removing clothes? Untagging? Unlabelling? Feeling…simply feeling. The body enmeshed in soul. The skin soaked in delight. The eyes choked with radiance. Without burden? Without load? Of morality? Righteousness? Discrimination? Was it simple? Undemanding? Painless? I can imagine it would have hurt a lot. You must have died many a times. Scorched. Cursed and stoned to death. But you finally resurrected. Transformed. Your wounds. Your pains. And nailed it. I too always thought so. But was also afraid to lead. Life is light. You said it. And your reference has given me the weight. To admit it. Say it. Do it. It’s unbearable. I know. The weight of lightness. Especially in the beginning when you are naked. For the first time. Before the entire world draped in layers and layers of conflicts. Battles. Wars. Without conclusion. Without liberation. It’s difficult to meet. Initially. Connect. With others. Without relation. Familiarity. Future. And gender too. But it’s beautiful. Indeed. How could we never construct? A world in a world in a world. Millions of them. Merging and losing in each other. But still remaining intact. Free. Legal. You were so fucking right, Kundera. Let me tell you that I loved the whole of it. And I loved the aftermath too. The woods. The rural way. And simple labor. You even made me cry in the end. When Karenina dies a merciful death. When Tereza dances in the bar. With a glow in her eyes. Without fears. Without strings. When Tomas says I m happy. And everything vanishes forever. Into lightness. The unbearable one. Of being. Thank you Kundera for enriching me. Enlightening me. Supporting me. I shall always be grateful. Love you. 

इंतज़ार

एक चाँद
काटा था
उस रात
तुम्हारे जन्मदिन पर
सोचा
आधा आधा
खायेंगे
रात बीत गयी
तारों ने की
शिकायत
पर तुम
वादा भूल गयी
आ जाओ
एक दिन
पूरी कर दो
हसरत

चाँद
बेचारा
आधा सा
आज भी आधा पड़ा
है
तुम्हारे इंतज़ार में।।। 

DAAYARA AUR DEHLEEZ

MORTALS

As mortals

We grow

Eat

Drink

And die

As mortals

We walk

Run

Fall

And cry

At the end

We remain

Mortals

Measly mortals

Let’s love

Kiss

Merge

And stride

Let’s vanish

As immortals

Beyond

Birth

Death

Existence

Non-existence

Into a timeless

Spaceless

Unified

Reality…

 

श्रुति।।। स्मृति।।। साधना।।।

श्रुति।।।
व्यापार 
लेन देन 
उपस्थिति 
आसन 
आधार
देह 
पुरुष 
प्राण 
साधू 
श्रवण 
व्यक्ति 
पूजा
भक्ति 
रस्म 
सत्संग 
शब्द 
आनंद  
जाग्रत 
उन्स 
पृथ्वी।।।

स्मृति।।।
ध्यान 
मिलन 
प्रेम 
विवाह 
बंधन 
अनुभव 
देह-बुद्धि 
जाग्रत-सुषुप्ति 
अर्थ 
व्यक्त 
मानस 
मनन 
नृत्य 
सिद्धि 
संस्कार 
स्मरण 
समर्पण  
सिमरन 
नेती नेती 
सोऽहं 
संकल्प 
विवेक 
वैराग्य 
आकाश 
चिदानन्द 
चिदाकाश।।। 

साधना।।।
परिवर्तन 
आगमन 
इश्क 
सम्भोग 
स्वपन 
लीला 
दर्शन 
संन्यास 
त्याग 
मुक्ति 
कल्याण
प्रकृति 
प्रलय 
नटराज 
ताण्डव 
अव्यक्त 
आत्म-प्रकाश 
परमाकाश 
सद्चितानन्द 
महादकाश 
महा-मृत्यु 
महा-सत्तव 
महा-तत्व 
पारब्रह्म 
ब्रह्मचर्य 
स्वर्ग 
शून्य 
तुरिया 
योगी 
यज्ञ 
मोक्ष 
निरवाना 
सत्यम 
शिवम् 
सुंदरम।।।

 

किरदार

कई आहें भरता हूँ 
कई सांसें लेता हूँ 
हर रोज़।
रोज़ स्क्रिप्ट के पन्नों पर 
खींचा ताना जाता हूँ 
पेंसिल से।
एक कल्पना हूँ।
लेखक के कैनवस पर 
खिंची एक लकीर। 
बाकी सभी लकीरों 
जैसी। 
ज़रूरी पर 
मामूली भी। 
इंसान जैसी 
पर 
जीवन से छोटी। 
जीती जागती
मर जाने वाली।   
फिल्म के रील जैसी 
काली धुंधली 
पर इतिहास समेटे 
अंधेरी दलीलों में।
एक सत्य कहानी 
पर रहस्य जैसी। 

कई कॉस्टूम बदलता हूँ 
कई चेहरे पेहेनता हूँ 
हर रोज़।
ना शब्द मेरे 
ना दास्ताँ मेरी 
और ना ही रिश्ते नाते।
ना बिछुए मेरे 
ना कंगन मेरे 
और ना ही तख़्त ताबीज़। 
ना आज़ान मेरी 
ना अंत मेरा 
और ना ही भूत भविष्य। 
मैं तो ज़रिया हूँ 
केवल।
और कुछ नहीं 
कुछ भी नहीं।
देखा है 
अक्सर 
एक कोने में  
आधे अधूरे 
सियाही से सने 
पन्नों को 
कई अपने जैसे 
किरदार समेटे 
किस्मत की उड़ान 
भरते 
बीच कहीं 
निराश हो जाते हैं। 
कौन समझाए 
पगलों को 
नादां बेचारे। 
मौत ही तो सत्य है 
पारब्रह्म। 
सद्चितानन्द।।।  

कई  बार जी चुका  हूँ 
मर चुका हूँ 
कितने ही जीवन। 
यह बूढ़ा स्टूडियो 
प्रमाण है 
मेरी गवाही का। 
मेरे साथ
यह भी तय करता आया है 
अब तक 
इस सफ़र को। 
कितनी बार रोंदा गया 
कुचला गया 
कभी फूलों से नवाज़ा 
गया। 
याद नहीं 
भूल गया हूँ 
सब हिसाब। 
क्या घटा 
जुड़ा
क्या गुणा 
तकसीम हुआ। 
एक अरसा लगता है 
बीत गया
शायद। 
बूढ़ा हो गया हूँ 
अब।
कौन हूँ मैं 
यह जान लूं तो 
मर  सकता हूँ  
बेफ़िक्री से। 
इस पन्नों की ढेरी 
से 
मुझे मेरा किरदार 
लौटा दो। 
और इस किरदारों की बस्ती 
से 
मुझे मेरा अक्स 
लौटा दो। 
फिर ओढ़ा के मुझ पे 
मेरा अपना शरीर
विदा करो 
मुझे रिहा करो।।।

DARMIYAAN

मलहम

चाँद 

आधा सा
थका सा
लग रहा है
आज
दिन भर की गर्मी से
थपेड़ों से
बीमार पड़ गया है
शायद
छत की तलाश में
उदास
हताश
मुरझा गया है
नादान 
शरीर ठंडा पड़ा है
जैसे मर गया हो कोई
सुनसान
बीयाबान
जा कर सो जाओ
उसके साथ 
आबाद कर दो
सहमा बदन
मलहम भर देना
ज़ख्मों में
बातें करना
मीठी मीठी
मिसरी वाली
चटपटी
करारी
अपनी साँसों से
सहला देना बालों को
सूख गए हैं
रूखे रूखे
बेजान
लोरी सुनाना
नानी वाली
परियों और तारों
वाली
जब सो जाए तो ढक देना
कम्बल से
अच्छी तरह
फिर बत्ती बुझा के
आ जाना वापस

आखिर सुबह
फिर काम पे भी तो जाना है
दोबारा।।।

आगाज़

मेरे हाथ की लकीरें
धुंधली सी
उधड़ सी गयी हैं 
वक़्त के इस शोर में
कहीं  से आ कर
लिख दो इन पर
एक कहानी
बुन दो नए किस्से
उमंग भरे
रंग दो नयी तकदीर
सपनों भरी
बिखेर दो नए शब्द
जिनसे निकले
तो एक दास्ताँ निकले
उजली सुर्ख लाल
फलसफों वाली

ऐसे होगा
हाँ ऐसे ही होगा
इश्क का नया 
आगाज़।।।

उम्मीद

सुबह से आँख फड़क रही थी
अम्मी कहती है
किसी के आने का इशारा होती है
खुश थी
उम्मीद उगी थी
आँगन में 
कई बरस बाद
मन  बहका
नयी पोशाक पहनी
ज़री जड़े  फूलों वाली
मेहंदी रचवाई
हाथों में
नाम गुदवाया उनका
उसमे
उलझी हुई लकीरों में
छोटा छोटा
ठण्डी अंगीठी में
कोयला डाला
तकदीर झोंकी चूल्हे में
उजड़ी हुई
बंजर बेजान
सरसों का साग बनाया
अब्बा बाज़ार से आटा ले आये
मक्की का
तभी अजीब सा शोर सुना
जैसे कोई गुल्लक फूटी हो
सपनों वाली
बाहर जाके देखा तो
खेत में आग लगी थी 
रेडियो वाले बोले
ज़ाहिर की  मौत हो गयी
एक प्लेन क्रैश में ...

DAMAN

DARPAN

DUVIDHA

LOVE - I

I do not know how to begin. It’s really very difficult to be honest sometimes. More so, when you know your honesty would allure so many unsolicited opinions about you. After this you would always be judged. In a particular way. And tagged with a label. Like they do in a general store or a warehouse. You would have a new, unanimously elected synonym to your name. Pronounced in a whimsical manner. It happened to people I know. People like me. Who just wished to love. They suffered. Were secluded. And categorized similarly. It’s been a habit. Bad habit. Habits are pain. Always. But you think I care now? It’s time to be true to somebody atleast. In fact, all fears emanate from suppression of truth all our lives. It’s time to let it free. I have resisted myself a lot. But it’s essential you should know this before the verdict. The evening you rode me to the end of town. I knew it was bound to happen. People love to meander in fantasy all the time. But you hardly have control over the things you do. Actions can still be controlled to an extent. But emotions they know nothing about the hegemony of power. You can certainly decide for yourself. But not for the universe around you. It does happen. And when it happens you lose. Everything you claimed to possess. Everything you so haughtily professed to be true. Certainty is a rare phenomenon. A long, brutal wait. I have never understood questions people ask each other. When? Why? How? Or when people say I will definitely or would never…with certainty. As if they know. Is the answer always so simple? Plain? White? And can these questions be really answered? Without pause. Without thought. Only if anybody had never heard of love and death before, doubts could be pardoned. Humor me. I could never speak those words before. And I have hardly ever known what poetry is. Also I am aware you could never sing. But how could you…that day? I always whined about that scar on your forehead. But it seems impeccable now. Did you do mend it? I cannot even imagine you without. I knew it was going to rain. The air was moist that evening. Perfumed. Inebriated. Yes. I confess I kissed you. Touched you. ‘There’. But need I apologize? Is it wrong? Unethical? Immoral? Is it? I deserved something better. But you returned me words. Big words. Words I would never understand. What should I do with them? You think it would end. That way. Going away. As if nothing ever happened. Would it be a justice? You think it was just a rustle of bodies. A scratch of skin. And an exchange of fluids. Are we so impolite? You think I manipulated. But was it only me? Did I ever volunteer? Waved my hand? Or showed a flag? You think I never tried. I too care for society. What they say what they feel, matter to me too. Blame may be a tiny word. For those who don’t have a heart. Sometimes a word may end a life. Don’t they hang for using such words? Am I being irrational? Crime is not always tangible. One may commit thousand crimes a day. Is it just? Who would resolve this entire crisis of victimization? Are we trying to propose? An argument? A consensus? A covenant? Sometimes the world seems ridiculously simple. Naïve. Innocent. Ignorance is a veil I suppose. A bright black veil. Rigidly stitched. Essentialised. Can you help tearing it apart? You definitely can. Love can. Death will. How can you be so blind? Maya is a choice my love. We make in every moment. You would say I am drifting away. But in fact, I am welding the gap. It’s comfortable to misinterpret. You save the labor. One can gossip too. Who needs scriptures? Philosophy? It’s insane. Uneducated. Is there still some space? I sense it but why not you? We have the same bodies. Anatomically. At least. You always make unnecessary efforts. Try resting for a while. It would become painless. I cannot preach. But I can feel. Why can’t you? Have you lost it? The ability. Can you…really? It’s inherent I suppose. Unmarred. Unscathed. I can even sketch the face. With eyes. Ears. Nose. Lips. And grace. Can’t you? You don’t need to label also. Am I being unreasonable again? Names are just to avoid confusion. But why you use them otherwise? Is it justice? Justice is a difficult word. We don’t use it very often. But we do love writing it. Prophesize. It may sound like complaining. But I am just trying to narrate. The truth. Its long I realize. Boring too. Disconnected may be. But harsh. Like acid. Living is a choice. Choose. Life. Love. Death. Misery. Death fails. Always. If love situates. Identify. Realize. I loved you. I still do. Accept it. Turn towards me. It may burn the skin. For once. But it would heal the soul. Like a shaman. Believe. Leave the rest. Don’t be scared. Of people. Their words. Their versions. Love me. This is all I ask. From you. Love you.

HISTORY - II

That night together

Filled with orgasm

Packed with delight

The rustle of sheets

The scream of bodies

You almost choked me

‘Idiot’

I know

I know
You don’t care

But it’s my turn today

To complain

To yell

And cry

I wish I knew

It’s a suicide

A chosen death

You clever

You brought

Me blindfolded

Into the alleys

Of that anonymous town

I don’t remember

Permitting you ever

That evening

When you broke the mugs

In anger

And I pledged to return

In time

I wish I could guess

I am being duped

Again

Like always

Wait! Wait!

I think you promised

To compensate

The scratch on my back

With a kiss

And that week of fever

In June

When you kept me awake

Every night

You promised for the

Cake my dear

The time has made you

Dishonest

I presume

Ah! How could I forget

That monstrous woman

In the next house

Her umbrella is still with me

I thought you would come

And collect

It’s still wet

She calls sometimes
To rebuke

And remind

The list is long

And your crimes many

Come

Collect

Repay

Fulfill

The memoirs

The promises

The deals

I am waiting

I’ll wait…