Saturday, February 12, 2011

Trilogy - part III

This is the third one in a row and probably the last of this series. So am I done with it? Have I resolved the conflict? Have I come to a conclusion? After all what was this whole exercise for? These questions had to crop up obviously. This is the psyche we all are born with and this is what is infused into our brains in the schools we read. But was it really meant to conclude or prove something? Do I need to stand up and announce my final verdict? Why do we always want to jump to conclusions? Why can’t we stop being judgmental? I know it’s easily said than done. But I am trying to dissect myself layer by layer. The headlights are on. The scalpel has gone blunt. And there are layers and layers to dissect. Bloody. Infected. Layers. And probably dead too. Infected with millions of different types of bacteria. They have gone into my gloves and are biting me hard. Probably they want to wake me up and show the pathology. But am I ready to face it? Before that can I really face it? It’s the most cancerous and contaminated tissue of the body. But if so, can I dissect it from rest of the body? The pathology has multiplied many a fold and metastasized everywhere. It has grown its whiskers all over the structure. Dissecting it out would probably means lighting up the funeral. The pathology is inseparable. And indispensable also. A sort of love hate relationship. A form of lethal commensalism. So I don’t really have a CHOICE. Rather the CHOICE is not mine. THERE IS ONLY ONE DOOR. And it leads NoWhErE. Isn’t it cruel? But that’s the way it is. It was a long sleep. Now the dream state is over. Welcome to the real world. There are no fairies to amuse you. Or angels to love you. There are only monsters. Big bad monsters.
I wish I were an animal. Or a phallus.
But the truth is I am a human. Yes a human.