A page from the dairy of a woman...
Warning: Dr. Meenakshi is 35 years old, famous Dermatologist of Mumbai running a successful private set up since last six years, married to a general surgeon and comfortably settled in the city. This is an extract of her daily diary. But she is work of fiction. So are other characters mentioned in this extract. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely co-incidental and unintentional.
01 march, 2011
Hmm…I knew he was going to come. It was all in mind, etched and clear like a beautiful dream. I just couldn’t resist the thought of him. He came and settled there. From nowhere. I woke up early. Took a long bath. Washed my hair. Dried them. Wore the costliest perfume I had in my cupboard. Dressed up in blue. Just to match his blue jeans. He seems to be very fond of this…color…kind of stuck to it. Haven’t seen him wearing anything else… but… blue. Felt elated when I saw his name in the appointment book. Got settled for a while. Just to make sure. Took a deep breath. It was too difficult. I was like losing myself. I grabbed my neck. Eased a bit and rang the bell. And he was there the next moment. In blue jeans and white shirt. Tall, fresh with pimples on his face. Hmm…seemed to have increased in number compared to his last visit. It’s too difficult to get hold of these hormones. Prescribed some new medicines and lotions. Gave him next month’s appointment. And bid him goodbye. He was gone. Felt as if he is never going to come again. Thought of calling him, shouting his name. But it was just not possible. How could I? Being a doctor, a married woman and a mother of two daughters. He was just a patient who tickled me and made me believe that I was there. Very much there. Kicking and alive. Anyways I finished the OPD and had lunch with Karishma. She hasn’t changed a bit. We did our dermatology post-graduation together from Manipal. We were meeting after 2 long years. Meanwhile, she got married and got divorced after six months of her wedding. Aborted a child with her previous husband. And madam is in a relationship again. With her husband’s childhood friend. I just can’t believe her sometimes. She is so unpredictable. You would have seen the glow on her face. Felt as if she were pregnant. Anyhow we planned to meet again coming Saturday. Returned late at 7. Had to do some shopping for the evening. After all, it was our 10th anniversary. A decade long relationship…hhh. Had some wine. Bloody marry. A nice dinner in taj. Deserts. Rajesh gifted me a diamond necklace today. And I presented him an I-pad. He is too fond of all this stuff. And then we were back. Hmm…I know what are you waiting for so long? Yes we made it. After all it was a special day for both of us. We got to enjoy. We got to relive that moment when it was all very beautiful and nice. Rajesh played Beatles on his new I-pad. And we got lost in the heat of the moment.
Something happened tonight which was strange. Too strange. We were making love. My eyes were closed in anticipation of an orgasm. And he was there again. Opening the door, walking towards me and making him comfortable on the stool. He wished me morning; I adjusted his face in the light and touched his spots. I felt uneasy and opened my eyes. And saw Rajesh reaching the climax. I felt as if I was cheating on him. My throat swelled and felt as if I couldn’t breathe. But it was not the first time. Very often I see my father lifting me and ruffling my hair. What’s he doing there at this time? I got to be crazy. Sometimes it’s Anand with his geeky spectacles. I do get his odor sometimes suddenly as if he just passed while we were making love to each other. Sometimes it’s my old friend Amit hugging and kissing me. Sometimes it’s my physics professor slapping and abusing me. Sometimes I see an entire orgy pushing inside me. I see lot many of them. But I don’t see Rajesh very often. He is always there. All over me, inside me. But not in my mind. Sometimes I don’t even recognize the faces I see. I feel strange. After all, I will be forty in next five years. And my daughters will join their high schools. This is something which I am never able to figure out. Is it right for me? Do I need to talk to somebody about this? Do I need to see a psychiatrist? I can hardly figure it out on my own. I want to hammer down my head to see what all filth is cluttered inside.
It’s not possible to sleep tonight without the pills. I'll go mad thinking about all this. I need to take them. I need to get a good sleep. This is what is required at the moment.May be one day I find an answer to my sexual fantasies and urges...