'RAPE ME BEFORE I DIE'

"when i was in first year i fell in love with a keralite girl. she was very beautiful. it was a stormy love. after four months she went to her home for a vacation and never returned back. for years there was no information about her whereabouts. i searched for her but just couldn't find her. then one day i met her father and he told me that after she came home she developed viral fever and died from its complications. i was broken...my present marriage is a marriage of compromise, is a marriage of convenience. i met my wife during one of the rallies but its just a relationship of convenience", a 40 year old officer, married, father of two girls, to a 23 year old intern during a third meeting.

there is a clot of milk
in my breasts
slash them off
before it becomes sore...

“i am married for 5 years but haven't done a intercourse in the last 3 years. once i was given a leave. i went home. my wife was pregnant. it was simply not possible. i don't like inserting it anywhere. i want to go home and make love to my wife. but my leave has been cancelled”, a 28 year old nursing assistant.

i haven't been raped
throughout my life
somebody
fulfill my last desire
rape me before i die...

“sir i wanted to study and become somebody like you. but things didn't happen the way i planned. i had to leave my studies and become a driver. sometimes i try to open the books but it all seems black. i am not the one i wanted to. i know i'll have to live with it now”, a 33 year old ambulance driver, while smoking a Goldflake and listening to Ghulam Ali's 'chupke chupke raat din.’

it has started stinking
inside me
i am full
somebody help
drain it out
i am sinking in my
own vomit...

a young officer's wife gets admitted for headache investigation. she is crying in pain. she gets thoroughly investigated and nothing seems to resolve the riddle. eveytime she gets a bout of headache she is given an intramuscular injection of distilled water. she becomes comfortable after 5 minutes. but it returns again. her husband is posted somewhere in the border area of north-east. may be her condition is something of a diagnostic surprise which needs to be dedicated a thorough research or may be she is a malingerer and wants to escape from her family problems or may be she is a maniac and needs a psychiatric evaluation. the conclusion still remains open not only in this case but in lots of similar cases where husbands are away from home or are not able to attend to their wives due to official commitments. the investigations are still on. in the meanwhile the same line of treatment continues…

We keep running and running in search of something we are not even sure of, neither in terms of attainment nor in terms of vision. The day comes when we bump into something , and the things start coming back to us in rags and bones. The skeletonised images start haunting us and we begin running again. Ready for a 360­­ turn again. The search is endless. And we may or may not believe but there is no destination. This makes our search worthless, completely worthless. But the search still remains.

In search of something intangible we have lost on some of the basics on which our civilization is based upon. The basics of conversation. The power of words. The magic of emotions. The phrases may sound poetic in a way but they really have the capability of rhyming the threads we keep pulling throughout our life. Believe it or not we have stopped talking. We have made our personal spaces too personal. We have collapsed internally. Its only the skeleton which is visible outside. The conversations which I mentioned before were completely out of the context and took place at a time when they were totally unexpected. The time has come when people literally want to be raped. They are rotting inside. These conversations have started a powerful debate. A debate which may seem to have opponents but its totally one-sided. We are the debate and we are the resolution. But the realization is lost in the muddle.

Conclusion: we have stopped talking. We need to talk.