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phallus
I often wonder who I am. Sometimes I spend hours thinking about my fate and reality. Still nothing seems to provide an answer. A generous cry in an open space becomes dead forever. I keep waiting for an echo. I have a father, who had a father, who too had a father. This is the extent to which I know my roots of existence. The fact that my father and grand fathers had a phallus provides a sort of continuity to my mystery of being. Plain. Simple. Ruthless. But. Fact. This revelation, more or less, fits into the space well. It makes me a worthy member of this chain of continuity. At least I seem to have found a thread. But is it the complete answer I am looking for? If no, the next question eagerly and obviously seems to appear. How long is the chain and where should I weave myself in this chain of continuity? Agreed, that I am not the beginning. But I must have some number so that I can roll into when I feel suitable. Should I enter as the credits start rolling or should I come in the middle? Is there somebody after me? May be that question can be answered if I produce more phallus like me. It gives rise to another troubling question. What happens if I don’t employ my phallus to complete this chain of continuity? Am I the end? If yes, where is the hook that would join me with another end? This number ambiguity is an unusual ball game all together. I had started playing well. But now I seem to be lost somewhere. Let’s leave this number thing aside for some time. Let me give myself some arbitrary number till the riddle finds some solution. Some other obvious questions are waiting for an answer. What am I doing in this chain of continuity? Do I have some purpose? Yes, I agree that completing this chain of continuity is a responsibility forced upon me. I have no other choice. But is it the only purpose? If yes, what happens if I withdraw myself from fulfilling this responsibility? Would it have an impact? I think, it would. This whole chain of continuity and similar other chains would simply fall apart and the beads will be lost forever.
Fuck..! I think I have screwed up the issue completely.
I must admit after creating this entire muddle.
I am a phallus. Just a phallus.
4 comments:
this is my one of my last attempts to simplify the things as best i can. it may seem to be an oversimplification. but thats the way it is. it has to end somewhere.
Dear Mohit
Phallus is a physical hijack of creative essence as well as orgasmic pleasure. Do you think that those who do not have phallus, they don't need any creative essence or some sort of orgasmic pleasure? I think you are inviting the messiahs of castration with this kind of writing. This is a self-defeating stance. I think S.H. Raza's obsession with Bindu (His paintings) need to be looked at. I think the problem of penetration should be looked at the interface of death and desire. Phallus is more of supplementary tool than the actual mechanics of the entire process. Desire is to be cultivated; let the phallus be one of the cultivating tools. Approach the entire issue a bit ecologically and not structurally (structure of biology). Any how, your phone call is eagerly being awaited by your Bhabhi Pooja here. She is reading your stuff these days and particularly the latest one.
Bhaiya I am trying to dissect myself layer by layer. I am not trying to be judgmental about other creatures not having phallus. They must be having a creative essence and they must be deriving some sort of orgasmic pleasure. They must be having a substitute for phallus also, may be not that big or strong but something to keep them going. I am trying to explain the things at a physical level as best as I can. Metaphysics is something which i am keeping aside totally at this moment. I think we need to start from basics before proceeding to a higher echelon. Death and desire cannot be dealt at present. I am not saying that I am done with them. But still... You may observe some form of death in my writing. ya, agreed. I am trying to kill myself at spiritual and moral level. It may lead to serious repercussions later on. But that's the way it is working for me right now. This is what keeping me going at present.
I am in Drass at present. It is called the second coldest habitable place in the world. I am presently attached with an infantry battalion looking after their soldiers. My phone is not working here. There is a PCO here but it is difficult to call sometimes. I am missing you both. You know you people are special for me. love to guggu. I will try to call. bye...
Dear Mohit
You seem to be in an operation theatre. I can understand the compelling-ness of such a state. I hope it would be over soon.
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